As I’m learning more about human behavior while examining my own, I found an interesting fact that would apply to most of the people in the world.
We all want an easy way out.
It starts with a little thing. When we are late for an appointment, we say “Traffic was horrible today!”, “My mom was sick”, “I had a really bad headache”, or something similar. What well known as a lame excuse. In fact, this lame excuse is much better than the cold fact: “I was just being lazy”. If A is late for work because the subway wasn’t working due to the terrible weather, A can call the office and say “The train is not working, I have to wait” without no shame. Because A is stuck in the unsolvable situation that A didn’t create. If A slept through alarm, probably A would have compared a few excuses on the way to work.
People would rather be a victim
Starting from the small things, the same mindset applies to the bigger life decisions. Something has to force them to take the action. I thought this passive attitude was a big problem in Korean society. Everyone makes excuses for everything. It looked like ‘I can’t’ was the answer for everything. I think it is a pretty big problem, but I have found out that a lot of people act like this no matter where they are from.
When I went to my cousin’s wedding two years ago, one of my aunts came up to me and said;
“You have to get married soon, so I can dress up. When can I wear this again?”
Maybe you’d think she was making a conversation and being friendly, and she was, but I realized again, this was how people usually think. They were forced to dress up because this was a special occasion. Even if they enjoy it, they would rather be seen as a victim of this wonderful day.
When I mentioned I wanted to travel the world, people used to say I couldn’t. The people who are living outside of the country are only because their work made them move, not by their choice. Even if they aimed to get the position overseas, that’s not the story they tell the world. They were victims of the beloved company.
Have you ever wished that some terrible thing to happen when you got a phone call from someone you don’t really want to meet? It would be easier to say ‘my dog is sick’ than ‘I don’t want to meet you’, you think?
The people other than you shouldn’t make important life decisions for you. We don’t owe anything, anyone. But why would you victimizing yourself instead of taking control of your life?
Why can’t you dress up nicely when you feel like it, apply for a job overseas because you like the life outside of the country, say no to people you don’t want to meet, and travel the world because you dreamt about it for ten years?
Stop making excuses
There are a lot of inspirational articles about world travel, saying stop making excuses. And that’s true. Because I don’t have money, because my job doesn’t want me to leave, because I just can’t; these are all excuses. Sometimes there are reasons that stop us from leaving, but most of the time it’s an excuse. Not everyone traveling the world has a big fortune. They made a decision based on the priorities in life. Examine your answer. What’s more important to you? What’s on your priority list?
‘Stop making excuses’ applies to other subjects in life, not only to traveling. It’s the same logic. When you are standing on the crossroad, would you rather find an excuse not to take one direction, because that would be an easy way out, or step into the one you believe?
Let’s take control over the life
Let’s take control over the life. Stop the victimization. When you need to make a decision, be responsible. Think hard, step forward and make a promise to yourself that you can take any outcome from this decision. Everything is on you. Don’t expect anyone to make a decision for you. Stop seeking the excuses and someone to blame. Be responsible is a part of the package to being a grown-up.
Buying a house isn’t the only things that make you grown-up; taking a responsibility of the life decision is too. Maybe more.
8 thoughts on “Stop the Victimization – Take Control over Your Life”
Well said Juno! It is so easy to fall into the trap of listening to your family or friends who just think that you are crazy for leaving everything behind. When my hubby and I left England for Cambodia 1.5 years ago people thought we were crazy. We had a house, good jobs and people were expecting us to start a family soon. But this wasn’t us. So far I never regretted once having left the rat race behind to try something new.
Wow, this is so true. It’s so easy to come up with excuses. The whole world seems to want to make them for you sometimes. I faced that when building the site. We had a dream, traveling in a different way. And we are doing it! After a whole year of a lot of effort and people thinking it was a too hard to do. But it’s people like you, who take control of life, the ones who I find inspiring. People who stayed home and just made excuses… they never inspired anyone.
Wow, that post is very insightful.
I’m always amazed when someone with grown kids says “I wish I could live overseas and travel like you but I could never leave my kids.” What a lame excuse. I sometimes want to shake them and say “Your ‘kids’ have their own lives. You need your own!” Well, any excuse will work if you want it to.
They need to read your post. 😀
I’ve been loving this introspective posts!!!! I have been sooo tired lately, trying to fit everything in. I cancelled on people last night, went to bed early, worked out this morning… I feel so great! My thing is learning to say “no.” But you are right — it is MY choice. I need to take more control!
You should be a motivational speaker Juno 🙂
Thank you for articulating what I’ve been trying to explain to family, friends, and colleagues for months. Thank you. #mivida #church #amen
Just came across this post.
Agree that too many people look for excuses to be the victim rather than the victor. Perhaps they think they get more attention being the victim?
Either way, great post and hope many will take your advice!