At this very moment, I have three huge first aid-up wounds around my shoulder and leg, and one purple-colored thumb. It looked almost I’ve been half-eaten by a bear. I am supposed to be at Cheongpyeong with a bunch of bikers, drinking beer but I’m sitting at a cafe, writing this.
What happened was, I went on a bike trip with a bunch of cyclists this weekend. Our plan was to bike up to the upstream Han river and meet up at Cheongpyeong, Gyeonggi Province. The whole ride is 80km. I’ve never done that long bike ride before, but I wanted to challenge it. Nice early summer weather, along the beautiful river and a group of fun people, what’s not to like, right? So I hopped on a bike at 8 am, this Saturday. It’s been quite a while since I was on a bike. It took some time to get used to it but after all, I had to believe that “just like riding a bike” was all true.
I was extremely nervous before I started this expedition. I thought about, why.
I was nervous, why? Because I haven’t done anything like this before. Okay, that’s understandable. And nervous because I would be suck at it. But, I’ve never done this before, that meant I was going to be suck at it and that was okay. But I will be embarrassed, and why is that? Because I may look like an idiot.
Along the whole process of thinking, I thought, we cannot be good at everything. That’s not human. We cannot be the best at everything we do. But the nervous feeling and embarrassment stop us to actually do something. Because we do not want to be mediocre, seriously. As we grow up, we have this traumatized part of the brain that says ‘You have to be the best’. That’s a part of general education in this world. We have to be good at, no, be the best. If not? We stop trying because we don’t want to feel and to be seen that we suck. And we stop trying because we don’t want to be a quitter. That is really a negative word to use for a person.
However, who cares? Even if I’m going to be suck at biking, who would judge me and says, “Hey, you really are bad.” And so what if somebody says that? The important thing is what you think about yourself. Do you really think that you’re bad? Do you really think that you should stop trying because you are not going to be the best? Should I have declined the offer because I was nervous, and miss out on everything?
After about 10-something kilometer, I fell, massively. I landed on the ground with my left palm, right shoulder, and right elbow. I was rolling and felt that my shoulder and elbow were peeling off by the ground. Did it hurt? Of course. At that moment, my body hurt for sure, but I felt a serious embarrassment. I couldn’t believe I fell that badly. As I was falling down, I leaned on Katie and she fell too. It was terrible. My ego hurt more than the burns on my skin. I hurt myself and I made my friend fell.
I have a positive attitude about pretty much everything. I always am confident about everything I do. But I thought while I was lying on the ground, maybe that’s because I’ve done what I was good at. I don’t think I cope well with embarrassment. I just always have been that way.
At that moment, I had two choices. A) Bike back to where I started and just call it a day, or B) give myself another chance on the bike. I didn’t want to push me too hard but I was already there, so I’ve decided to give it another try. On a bike and for the first time, I realized that the breeze could physically hurt me.
A while later, we stopped for a toilet/water break. From that spot, 6 more kilometers, then I got to see the top of the Han River. However, I decided to call it a day. I was mentally tired, rather than physically.
You know what? I’ve realized that it takes courage to call it a day. It is important to know where your limit is. We always want to be the strong one. It takes a lot of courage to admit that we need some help. As a traveler, I consider myself a super independent, brave, and tough human being. So that makes it harder for me to say that I need some comfort in my life. Part of my brain says ‘What are you doing? You are an independent person. You don’t need help! You can do this!’ But actually, I am. Just I was too coward to admit it.
That moment, I swallow my pride and admitted that my wounds were too painful to ride all the way. I admitted that I was mentally tired. I felt sorry for my friend, but I saw my limit there.
It takes courage to admit that you are done for the day.
But it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you are a quitter. You are just being true to yourself and seizing the moment. We set the boundary, not anybody else. You don’t have to prove to the entire world that you are the best. It is your world. You make your own standard.
That is a lesson for the day, with massive wounds. Even though I have huge bandages all over my body, I am happy that I have taken that chance today. It was really nice day out there, and the upstream Han river was beautiful. We had so much fun during all that time, and we met some nice people on the way too. Experience, that counts.
I feel your pain! Same thing happened to me in Bali. I have no business being on a bike – I’m just not good at it! After I fell spectacularly and smashed my new Canon G12 to bits, I called it a day, too. I hope you feel better soon – I still have a bruise from my fall & that was back in march!
ouch… your camera? that hurts!
Hope I didn’t bring anything with me. Just smashed my body, and that’s all. 🙂 Thanks! Hope it gets better soon. It’s really uncomfortable more than anything.
Aww… you’re still smiling even though you’re all bandaged up.
This reminds me of when Ayngelina turned back halfway through hiking Colca Canyon.
I like to do many things that I am not the best at nor ever will be the best at. There is no shame in doing as much as you want or going as far as you want and being satisfied with that. We cannot all be the best. But we can all have fun.
Even though I have millions of bandages on my body, it was a great day! Beautiful day to be outside. 🙂
I’d love to try new things as well. But I think it took some time to realize that it’s okay to be suck at something. No reason to be embarrassed!
@The Travel Chica – I was thinking the same thing it reminded me Ayngelina’s trip in Peru.
Hope you start feeling better!
Lol, I love how happy you look all bandaged up. Way to go to keep up with the positive attitude.
Thanks Jill! I think clean up the wound hurts more than fell. 🙂
Aww – hope you heal quickly! Great lesson here from a brave experience. I’m not a cyclist either and wouldn’t have even gone to begin with. Good for you for going even though you were nervous =)
I can’t even ride a bike! I admire your courage, dear. Courage is such a strong word, but you really need to have that.
That sounds painful!
You are so right. It takes a lot of courage to call it a day… I normally never have the courage. I just stick to it even if it hurts or I know that it is not good. And that has to do with the education!
I once had a similar experience. I made an internship at a hotel in Italy. Part of that internship was a mountain bike tour. The last time I was on a bike was nearly 10 years before and I stopped driving because of an accident. Of course I crashed again on that tour but I didn’t had the courage to call it a day… I was embarrassed and wanted to show that I can do it…
I hope your wounds heal fast!
I loved this post. Speaks true to me.
You’re really brave for taking on that bike challenge, giving it your best shot even though cycling’s not really your thing, getting back on the back after your fall, and knowing win it was time to quit! Great post and I hope you heal quickly!
Such a brave and honest post!
That bandaged arm and shoulder looks ouchie to me! You are brave for pushing on as long as you did – and for calling it quits.
Love this, and I can completely relate. I’m a very poor bike rider myself which Im often self conscious about.
And as it happens, skiing is also on my list of things I’m not so graceful at. I faced the same decision on a mountain, but, unlike you chose not to call it a day. Year later I’m still dealing with the injury from that decision! Feel better soon!