Guess where am I?
Yes, I’m back in Seoul, Korea. After three months of thinking, writing, talking, eating, driving, laughing, crying, hiking, drinking, cooking, exploring… and I’m back.
It has been 5 days since I left the United States’ property, and 2 days since I got back in Seoul. Flight was excruciatingly long and complicated. By the time I landed on Incheon Airport, I was the symbol of exhaustion.
If you noticed, I haven’t updated any stories yet. Even though I was trying to up to date my experiences wherever I was going, I still have a lot, a lot of stories and photos to share with you. But I couldn’t. Why?
I believe we all feel a bit of emptiness whenever one trip is over; no matter how short or long it was. Things are not interesting anymore. So there was a bit of this, but it was just like a tip of iceberg.
I’m hibernating. I am not so proud of myself right now. For not doing things that I am supposed to do. I feel like two-headed man, fighting each other. And I’m punishing myself for that.
What is bothering me?
Setback
I worked so hard to move forward before I left. To follow my passion. Leaving the job was not exactly easy thing to do, and all the conflict with every single person near me wasn’t helpful either. Coming back, sitting here, it feels like a setback. Instead of stepping forward to make my own way, I’m back here and moping like I was before I left. It is synchronized with what’s left here.
I know that’s not true. I know I’m not stepping backward, it’s not the same situation as before. I’m just preparing for my next expedition and doing what I have to do for people who matter in my life. I’m helping out my family’s moving, I visited my grandmother and will celebrate my brother’s birthday tomorrow. Even though I know all that, I can’t help to think that I’m stepping backward. That’s why ‘coming back’ is a hard subject for many of us travelers.
Loneliness
Moreover, the situation changed completely. The environment. I know I’ve been living here for most of my life, but I don’t enjoy how people communicate here. Just a week ago, I was surrounded by inspiring people, and people who I can talk to, but not anymore. That was why I got involved with travel blogging two years ago in the first place, to share travel stories with other people. I know still there’s lots of readers and friends are out there waiting for me to share more travel stories, but the change of the environment is not easy for me to embrace right now. Because it’s negative change and I feel lonely. I feel like no one to talk to, and perhaps that’s true.
Conflict
Like I said in one of my article in the past, it takes courage to call it a day. It’s not easy to admit that you are weak, venerable or a quitter. Because those are negative characters that you don’t want to admit that you have. But, nobody can be super strong all the time. It’s okay to be sad sometimes. My conclusion, of the reason why I’m having such a hard time ever since I got back is because I’m punishing myself. My heart is aching to not be where I want to be and not be with someone I want to be. But my brain knows that there’s no reason to be sad. So they are fighting over my body and spirit. And to be fair, there’s 13 hours of time difference I’m dealing with.
I know there’s no reason to be sad. Nobody forced me to coming back (well, VISA did). And I know this is not the end. It’s just emotional thing. While I’m suffering from whatever the reason, my brain is keep yelling at me ‘what’s wrong with you?’ But we have to remember that whatever the reason is, it’s okay to be sad and mopy and tired a little while. It means we are human.
So, now I anatomy my problems, did I decide to forgive myself to be not productive enough or be someone that I am supposed to? Well, it’s easier said than done. But I’m working on it.
Yes, coming back isn’t exactly a shining and bright moment of my life, but because this is a necessary step for my next move, I will up and running soon. Very soon.
I keep reminding myself, it’s okay.
Juno! Just remember that you can talk to us – just maybe in a different way (like Skype). Don’t shut out the friends you made right now, they may be able to make you feel like a million bucks and give you the support you need. <3
Oh Juno I feel for you. I really do. As tough as it is I am so happy you have some perspective that this is only one step of many.
I felt the same way after I returned from my RTW trip- the feeling does go away… as soon as I started planning my next trip!
You know that time now is to recharge, reconnect and plan for going forward. Your body is just waiting for your spirit to look forward. It will, soon enough. Today, live for this day and be ready for the next opportunity. Your online fans will be patient. All of us who love to travel understand. Thank you for your blog!
As an expatriate, I completely understand. You’ve got my respect for being open enough to express it.
It’s so hard coming home. But just remember that this isn’t it for you. I see many more trips in your future. Just take some time to take in everything you saw. Recharge and get ready for me. Best of luck in this sucky time 🙂 You always have trippers on facebook and twitter who know what you’re going through if no one at home does.
I went through the same same during my trip away from home. Just remember adventure and excitement are waiting for us in the near by future somewhere out there 🙂
I think most people are a little sad, even depressed, after a wonderful trip. You were gone for a long time and had incredible experiences. It is normal to feel this way. It will pass with time, and you’ll be back to looking forward for your next exciting challenge.
Juno,
Our Katie had the same problem after her amazing BB trip. you are a survivor and will figure out your next step. Keep in mind it doesn’t have to be a big one!
I had the same issues when coming back. It’s okay to take a few weeks to sit down and be mopey and confused. The best part is that you are not alone. That said, things change and though it’s negative at the time, it gets better. Great post!
Two steps forward, one or two steps back. I’ve never quite figured out how to walk a straight line. And now, I just enjoy the detours. Remember, some of the most enriching journeys are those we take within. You and Loneliness may not be throwing parties together, but I’m glad you’re inviting it in for a chat. Nice to see Honesty and Openness at the table too. I know it feels like Strength stood you up, but I’m pretty sure she’s sitting right there. Just quietly taking it all in.
Ack! I just wanted to give you a big hug while I read this.
I can relate to pretty much all you say, but particularly your comments about disliking the way people at ‘home’ communicate. I love Australia and have lived here most of my life, but I feel isolated here sometimes too. When I was abroad (living in South Korea, oddly enough) I was constantly surrounded by energetic and interesting people. I had romances and great friends and stupid adventures and every weekend out was a new and interesting experience.
I feel like, back home, I’m lost in the shuffle and it’s so hard to find like minded people to spend my time with.
I wish I had some advice or magic words that would make it feel better, but I don’t. I know I still have days of feeling a little bit miserable that I’m back in Australia and not out pursuing my dreams. But I know I’m working towards them with each day I work and put some money aside, and that has to tide me over.
You’ll be ok 🙂
Being at home can be a big challenge for any traveler. Many do not understand your journey and can’t understand your sadness or desire to do even more. Rest, regroup and stay connected with friends who understand. That ALWAYS helps me. I’m wishing you the best ahead.
Hang in there Juno! I think you are going through a very normal process of re-adjustment and culture shock after traveling. I’m sure you will be off to the next destination in no time 🙂
Juno… Im hoping that everything will soon sort itself out for you… Hang on tight 🙂
Thank you for writing this article, I can definitely relate
Wow. That is exactly how I felt when I came back from my trip almost 7 years ago. Remember that you are not alone. I am excited for you and to see what’s next. There’s always an adjustment period. At the same time it may make you realize you just need to do it all over again!
Oh dear!
Although I haven’t been travelling as extensively as you I really know how you feel.
I think this is the case with every single person who loves travelling.
As traveler , we need to go back home. I think, it´s a very important part of our experiences. Good luck with your homecoming