When life gives you lemons..?

When life gives you bitter lemons, ( ) ?

What your answer would be?

There’s this lemony moment when you start doubt yourself. Your ability, your decision making, your judge of character, what you like and what you don’t, basically about who YOU are.

Before all that, you were doing great. You had doubts and questions for sure but you got over it. You went on an awesome expedition, the whole world was cheering for you, you wrote about it and even made some money out of it. It’s not conventional but you love the lifestyle. You are like a quarter-celebrity in this community. It’s scary and you have to be frugal but you think it’s worth it and it is. You laugh, you eat good, you think hard, you concentrate, you are confident, and most of all you are happy.

And BAM. Someone in your life casually drop the bomb right in front of you.

“You are not special.”

…

What does this even mean?

It means, you are not special enough to do unconventional thing. You are not good enough to take the free-lifestyle because you are not special and you are nothing but a normal human being in any other people in your society. The people who think living in a cubic farm is the best life even though they know that sucks.

It means they would rather have you as an ignorant stay-home family member than a super smart and independent traveler.

It means, they believe you are going to fail. They are screaming ‘you don’t got it’.

Ookay.

Then what?

First, you are devastated.

It’s not easy thing to hear from anybody and you just heard it from someone in your life who suppose to support you no matter what. It’s absurd but they got mad at who you are. They were angry because you know a lot and you’ve seen a lot. So you are crushed. You maybe cry a little, wander around the street, call your friend and talk about how ridiculous this is and cry some more.

Then, you question yourself.

‘Am I really?’ You slowly start to agree with them that maybe you really are not special. You are not smart enough to survive in this world without the cubic farm. You question your purpose, your priority, your passion and what’s right and wrong in your life. And, you get crushed again because everything is in denial at this moment.

After the terrifying time, you get angry.

Because you just realized, or re-found that you are really a special person. You hate that they made you doubt yourself and the fact how awesome you are. You worked hard, have done tremendous things, you have goals in your life, you are passionate, your vision is clear, you have a lot of potential in your life and you pursuit happiness. And you think ‘what’s wrong with that?’

And you try to calm down.

Because angry and furious person is not the one you want to be. You make some tea, sit down and think. You may loose some sleep. You are tired but you are trying to think. You rewind the whole situation, and analyse what went wrong. You want to figure out why. You are more rational than ever. You are on the edge of the fact. And questioning Why, not about yourself this time, about the circumstances.

Now, finally, you listen to your soul.

Sit quietly, clear your head, be focused, and listen to your soul. It’s hard to listen to your soul in everyday life because we are not focused. But now, you are all ears. What’s your soul telling you? What do YOU really want? At this point, this is what matters the most. Not what others think, no matter what is the ‘normal’ way of living, not about their baggage, not about their soul, it’s about You. What do you want? What have you been thinking? What does your soul say?

I think about Occam’s Razor; The simplest is most likely the answer, he said.

What could be the simplest explanation?

What did your soul say?

There’s no time for negativity, life is short babe time is flyin’.

I think everything works differently to everyone and should not be judged about the differences.

I think pursuit of happiness is the basest human desire and right.

‘Do what you want’ does not equal to ‘you are being selfish’.

Everything is so damn complicated but at the end of the day, it is your life.

There, that’s your the simplest explanation. It’s your life.

They shove you and you taste what you are made of. Now, wipe your hand, shake it off and stand.

It is your life.

My razor came when I spent all night at 24hrs cafe after the most encouraging conversation ever including listened to how am I not special and how awful person I am over and over again. I was headed to the subway station in 7am instead of going in to the office. In the wave of suits and high-heels, I was the only one was breaking through the opposite direction, wearing a green and yellow hiking jacket with a backpack. And I thought ‘You suited dudes, I really feel sorry for you.’ because everyone looked so miserable. And I’ve decided I had enough. The reality is much more complicated but I choose the simplest explanation.

At this very moment, my theme song was ringing in my head. The one that helped me got through Grad school. Elphaba was singing “Everyone deserves a change to fly. Even if I’m flying solo, at least I’m flying free.”

I know I’m awesome. I know I’m special. I know I’m smart. And I know you are too. Believe your potential. Don’t ever, ever question that.

Remember. YOU matters. It is your life.